BACK TO REALITY

There are so many processes I could have chronicled as of late but which I haven't here because honestly I'd forgotten about this blog!  I really need to pay it more heed, however, as it's a good exercise for me.

My girlfriend and I got back together, first of all.  We still don't live together, though, and we certainly aren't married.  However, as for my description back in February that the relationship was "unraveling," I suppose that was inaccurate.  We still dig each other's company.  I even took her and her boy to New Orleans and Florida recently for a little vacation.  It's all good.  However, I know that she is still upset with me for giving her an engagement ring quite some time ago but then moving out eventually and never sealing the deal.  She does not consider me officially as her "boyfriend" because of this.  I guess it's still somewhat complicated in that regard...

Spiritually, I see myself drifting back and forth into a "Dark Night of the Soul" type thing over these past few months.  I went from meditating often and doing my LBRP to getting the blahs and feeling my connection to the Source dwindle.  It's like a cloud going in front of the sun, but I keep the faith underneath it all and feel like this uncertainty will serve to strengthen my faith in the end.

Professionally, there may be a problem though.  My company's president (I work for a prominent mental health care provider in the state of Arkansas) just released a memo entitled "Organizational Restructuring" in which he speaks of what amounts to downsizing and "position elimination".  A couple of weeks ago or so, our Clinical Care Coordinator left the company abruptly and though he did give us a rather lengthy email in which he was blowing smoke up about everyone's toga, it was unclear as to why he split (he was one of those who liked the power and seemed rather entrenched in that position as the supervisor of all therapists) until now.  Seems like he knew something from the get-go that few of the rest of us did.  There will also be "salary caps" and no more annual raises.  Hence, I see the folks with talent jumping ship here soon enough, and the local job market will once again be glutted with therapists - if it isn't already by now.  Don't know what the damage is going to be overall yet, but it doesn't sound good.

I have to remind myself, though, that I'm in a good place fiscally.  I've no debts.  I've a nearly new car that's paid for.  The place where I stay is paid off.  There are many perks.  Job-wise, though, I'm in my comfort zone.  Perhaps these events are meant to spur me on to greater things.  Who knows...

HERE i GO AGAIN...

I'd all but forgotten about this blog for looks like over a year, and looking at other blogs that seems to be what happens in general oftentimes.  Time has clicked on by, but recently I have promised myself that I would focus more on cultivating daily habits which would lead to my greater sense of spirituality and self-expression.  Quite honestly, the inspiration for this all began with what appears to be the final death throes of my almost ten-year relationship with my girlfriend.  This unraveling has been happening for quite some time.  Out of respect, I do not wish to mention her name or say much about the affair.  What I can say is that breaking away from her has released a lot of energy in me - both physically and mentally.  Though we haven't lived together for over a year or more, I was still putting more energy into the relationship than I thought.  But enough about that...

Professionally, things have gone swimmingly.  I never thought I'd find a career that would fit me so well, engaging my heart as well as my mind.  There have been some snags along the way, but these have been surmountable and for the most part understood as part of the way of things.  Though I have to drive a good solid hour to the site and a good solid hour back every day (somewhere over 100 miles each weekday), I work well with the people that I'm with out there - and actually the distance helps greatly with preventing the awkwardness that is having to encounter a client outside the treatment milieu in public somewhere. 

So I'm off to reinvent myself once again.  What shall I do?  What forms will this new energy take?

1. The physical body.  I have already begun to get more consistent exercise via daily walks and sessions on the elliptical machine.  Changing the diet is more challenging, but generally I'm just reducing my portions pretty much.  Lately I've been consuming a lot of Clif Bars and Slim Fast shakes as meal replacements.
2. The mental body.  I've taken to downloading some really good audiobooks and listening to them during my hour-long drives to and from work.  I mostly favor non-fiction.  Some of my latest reads of this sort has been Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People as well as a set of lectures by the Buddhist scholar Jack Kornfield entitled The Jewel of Liberation.  I also read a bit at night before going to sleep.
3. The emotional body.  Basically spending time with my family and friends covers this one.  Honestly I draw a lot of emotional fulfillment from my job, though of course in turn it can also be very emotionally draining at times.
4. The spiritual body.  I'm finally returning consistently to meditation and the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram on a daily basis.  A type of meditation that I'm doing now involves me watching my breath, allowing my thoughts, and then when the thoughts begin to carry me away I tell myself silently that "these are your thoughts.  They are not you.  Allow them to pass."  That helps.  I also have a small digital cooking timer which I use to keep these meditation sessions at ten minutes apiece.

There are other goals that I need to make specific objectives for as well.  One really cool thing that I'm really compelled to do is to build a building here at our place wherein to shelter my musical equipment and give me and my friends a place to jam.  This house that we live in presently was poorly built in so many ways and doesn't have a good open area to leave my stuff set up in any manner of a useable fashion.  A setting apart is needed for this most important endeavor.

I'd like to do more writing as well, and breathing fresh life into this old blog is one way that I wish to revitalize that desire.  Writing takes attention and consistent focus to kindle the flames and build the rapport between the conscious and the unconscious processes. 

Putting this stuff out here to an audience that might actually read it helps in my mind to make me more accountable for some measure of progress.  I think it will help.

So wish me luck, friends.  And send me your ideas, if you have any!